Feeling Good- SQ's Editorial Team

We thought of playing some old time favourites of Nina Simone for old time sakes:). Welcoming SQ gang musically into April and May. So are you feeling good?? Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life for me:)....Feeling Good!!!

And if you are feeling good!!! May be thats because I put a spell on you:)

But then you give me FEVER!! Peggy lee's number that many of us recorded in our small cassettes and gifted our first boyfriends...

Do send us your favourite numbers. Share them with us! What were the songs you listened to, sang and gifted to your friends and crushesss? We really want to know!! Hope we made you a lil nostalgic with those numbers:):)

Editor's Note

Hiya!! Thousand Apologies for this extreme delay!!

Well I was waiting for some articles. I was hopeful that some of you will write in and zip zap zoom me out!! But but but...well it did happen! We have two new writers today. Meet Maria Shaikh from  94-95 batch. The other person is my dear old friend Sameer Chandra from 89-90 batch.

Maria writes about her observation of rural women. She raises some important questions which most priviledged urban women must ponder over. When I was a little girl in Lucknow I remember 'feminist' was a bad word. Often a funny word. Many a times a word to ridicule certain kind of women. As I grew up and entered journalism I heard many male colleagues still asking the same old question- Why is feminism required? It went on to raise questions like Why not Humanism?:)

Thats a valid question indeed. Who wouldn't want a movement for equality of human beings? But then its shouldn't take a rocket scientist to comprehend that  Black movement happened because white were rulers! Dalit movement happened because Dalits were oppressed! and likewise feminism took birth as women all over the word in varying degrees were suppressed and humiliated. Do you think WHITE imperialists and colonialists would have dared to say 'why a black movement, why not humanism?'

 Feminism or Feminisms is/are a movement/movements that seeks equality of genders and sexes. Not just equality between woman and man but also aims at being inclusive of the third gender. Why did Feminism need to take birth? Thats because for centuries religion, tradition, state, the concept of nation state, culture, administration has been largely male. All offices of religion and authority were taken over by men. Women were either worshipped as nurturer or were treated as the lesser being. Even in marriage most if not all rituals and conventions subjugated women and made them the second partner.

Tradition and conventions must be challenged, evolved and changed for equality. If it happens from within its ok otherwise Feminisms of local, national and international level will change the same. Along with the women I will talk about the third gender yet again. Where are they in our families? in out mohallas? in our schools? in our hospitals? in our public space?? where have we hidden them? are they not our children? siblings? friends? why have we not given them their due? their access to resources? to education? to health care?

Why isn'y humanity at large perplexed at such hidings? such invisibilities of numerous populations?

This SDA Quotient is dedicated to breaking silences!! In a very small way! In a very gentle way!! But this we see as a begining nevertheless!:)

Towards voice, visibility and vision...

Rukmini
Editor, SQ

BABY BLUES

Tell you!!! There are so many hindi films that shout PAPPPA MAI TO PPPAAAPA BAN GAYA!!!

Everybody has a party when a baby is born. You are not supposed to feel any other way. However, ask the mommies. No help or very little help to look after the newly born little fragile bundle of life. The new mother goes through numerous hormonal and environmental changes. One thing that changes for several years is ofcourse the gentle sleep pattern of the mother.

Have you met a cranky new mother? If you haven't you have really had great luck! or you have just not been keen to see!! And ofcourse traditionally and culturally we are supposed to only accomodate happiness over the new born. We don't accomodate responsibilities for everyone!!! It is traditionally the mother who must do everythng...well almost!!

So here we go!! We'll talk about Post partum depression today!! because SDA women we care for you!:):) and what is there must be talked about!!! One of the benefits of studying in a co-ed is that SDA men have always/most of the time been very sensitive to their women. So this is for women, men and children.

Postpartum depression is moderate to severe depression in a woman after she has given birth. It may occur soon after delivery or up to a year later. Most of the time, it occurs within the first 3 months after delivery.

Women commonly have mood changes during pregnancy, especially after delivery. These mood changes may be caused by changes in hormone levels. Many non-hormonal factors may also affect mood during this period:

• Changes in your body from pregnancy and delivery
• Changes in work and social relationships
• Having less time and freedom for yourself
• Lack of sleep
• Worries about your ability as a mother

Feelings of anxiety, irritation, tearfulness, and restlessness are common in the week or two after pregnancy. These feelings are often called the postpartum or "baby blues." These symptoms almost always go away soon, without the need for treatment.
Postpartum depression may occur when the baby blues do not fade away or when signs of depression start 1 or more months after childbirth.
You may have a higher chance of postpartum depression if you:

• Are under age 20
• Currently abuse alcohol, take illegal substances, or smoke (these also cause serious medical health risks for the baby)
• Did not plan the pregnancy, or had mixed feelings about the pregnancy
• Had depression, bipolar disorder (for example, manic depression), or an anxiety disorder before your pregnancy, or with a previous pregnancy
• Had a stressful event during the pregnancy or delivery, including personal illness, death or illness of a loved one, a difficult or emergency delivery, premature delivery, or illness or birth defect in the baby
• Have a close family member who has had depression or anxiety
• Have a poor relationship with your significant other or are single
• Have financial problems (low income, inadequate housing)
• Have little support from family, friends, or your significant other

The symptoms of postpartum depression are the same as the symptoms of depression that occurs at other times in life. Along with a sad or depressed mood, you may have some of the following symptoms:

• Agitation or irritability
• Changes in appetite
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
• Feeling withdrawn or unconnected
• Lack of pleasure or interest in most or all activities
• Loss of concentration
• Loss of energy
• Problems doing tasks at home or work
• Negative feelings toward the baby
• Significant anxiety
• Thoughts of death or suicide
• Trouble sleeping

A mother with postpartum depression may also:

• Be unable to care for herself or her baby
• Be afraid to be alone with her baby
• Have negative feelings toward the baby or even think about harming the baby (Although these feelings are scary, they are almost never acted on. Still you should tell your doctor about them right away.)
• Worry intensely about the baby, or have little interest in the baby

There is no single test to diagnose postpartum depression. Your doctor may have you complete a questionnaire (such as the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale) at your office visit to look for signs of depression or risks for depression.
Sometimes depression following pregnancy can be related to other medical conditions. Hypothyroidism, for example, causes symptoms such as fatigue, irritability, and depression. Women with postpartum depression should have blood tests to screen for medical causes of depression.

A new mother who has any symptoms of postpartum depression should take steps right away to get help.
Here are some other helpful tips:

• Ask your partner, family, and friends for help with the baby's needs and in the home.
• Don't hide your feelings. Talk about them with your partner, family, and friends.
• Don't make any major life changes during pregnancy or right after giving birth.
• Don't try to do too much, or to be perfect.
• Make time to go out, visit friends, or spend time alone with your partner.
• Rest as much as you can. Sleep when the baby is sleeping.
• Talk with other mothers or join a support group.

The treatment for depression after birth often includes medication, therapy, or both.

• If you are diagnosed with depression, you may need to be followed closely for at least 6 months.
• There are several types of antidepressant medications that may be given to breastfeeding mothers.
• Ask your doctor or nurse for a referral to a mental health therapist. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and interpersonal therapy (IPT) are types of talk therapy that have been found effective for postpartum depression.

If you are thinking of harming yourself or your infant, seek immediate medical help.

If you are diagnosed with postpartum depression, support groups may be helpful, but they should not replace medication or individual psychotherapy (talk therapy).

Medication and professional psychotherapy can often successfully reduce or eliminate symptoms.

If left untreated, postpartum depression can last for months or years, and you may be at risk of harming yourself or your baby.

The potential long-term complications are the same as in major depression.

Call your doctor if you experience any of the following:

• Your baby blues don't go away after 2 weeks
• Symptoms of depression get more intense
• Symptoms of depression begin at any time after delivery, even many months later
• It is hard for you to perform tasks at work or at home
• You cannot care for yourself or your baby
• You have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby
• You develop thoughts that are not based in reality, or you start hearing or seeing things that other people cannot

Do not be afraid to seek help immediately if you feel overwhelmed and are afraid that you may hurt your baby.

Having good social support from family, friends, and coworkers may help reduce the seriousness of postpartum depression, but may not prevent it.

Screening questionnaires may help detect depression or risks for depression early.
Women who had postpartum depression after past pregnancies may be less likely to develop postpartum depression again if they start taking antidepressant medications after they

There is very little awareness and acceptance of post partum depression as a medical condition. Men need to be sensitive to their wives/partners. Your women have gone through pregnancy. They need care, food, sleep and lots of holding and patience.

Give your woman time. Listen. She is going through a life changing experience. Be around...and all will be fine! Enjoy the baby together!! You have a great life waiting!! Happy growing together Mamma and Paapppa!! And grandparents!!:)

A Walk With My Village Friends

Ab Key baras Bhej Bhaiiyya ko Babul...

For centuries women in general have cried and longed for their siblings, parents and friends secretly. The loss of a family by a woman is something patrirachy has validated. When a woman gets married she has to move out of her home. Its the done thing. The smart thing. The proper thing. A man is protected from such a situation in the name of tradition and male supremacy. Like many other traditions its an acceptable thing that a young bride has to leave her family behind to live with strangers. Interestingly this pain and agony  has been romanticised time and again with various rituals. Women have been trained to be dependant. Most of us who have managed to recieve liberal education have also had to face subtle and obvious discriminations. But my question is what are we as women doing about it?

In my close encounter with the Indian rural women I have observed that contrary to popular perception they are often more empowered than their urban counterpart. I have been living in and around rural India for some time now. Empowerment has multiple, interrelated and interdependent dimensions. Economic, social, cultural and political. It can be viewed vis a vis access to resources, relationships, power and perception.

I build my case by qualifying what one means by empowerment. Perhaps a woman's self worth, her control over her life both at home and at work and lastly her ability to direct social  change to  create a just, social and economic order could be some pointers.

In the rural space I occupy I have met a woman in a live in relationship. There is another woman who is the bread earner of her family. The remarkable thing about her husband is that unlike many chauvinist urban men he has taken over the chores of his house. He is a truly progressive man who is an extremely fair husband and an engaging father. The domestic help at my place is a fiesty and decisive women. A washer woman I interact with regularly has stood for the Gram Pradhan Election. I have met girls who have asserted their right to marry and choose their partners. And I have met a married woman here who has chosen love over a disabling marriage.

Many women occupy  important posts by contesting elections in the rural area where I live. Looking at all this I wonder about some of the urban women I have met over the years. I recall many women with computer and internet at home who have refused to train themselves digitally. I cringe at the thought that some of these priviledged women  cannot  operate bank accounts or make  travel arrangements. Many of these women are incapable of  handling hospital admissions even  during emergencies. Even for simple  tasks like social visits or  shopping they need the company of their  husbands.

Many rich urban women feel proud that they are well protected and  pampered by their husbands. They don't realise that they are but dependant on another person. They may be literate but are not active in family's financial decisions. They have no hand in family budget, savings and investments.

The above inabilities inspite of great prviledges and access to resources is shameful. This total surrender to another person's decisions is not just being foolishly romantic. Its simply making a fool of oneself. Interestingly this dependance is often eulogised as love and great luck.

True woman empowerment  is all about  women breaking free from  the chains of limiting beliefs. Most social, cultural and religious practices have traditionally kept women  suppressed.

Rural women educated or uneducated have often broken their chains. While rural women are short of resources they are still often their family's equal decision makers. Upper Class, Priviledged Urban women must understand that by not raising their voice against inequality they are being unfair to themselves and all the women who are lesser priviledged but fighting bigger wars.

If the priviledged class of urban women will not  assert equality of action and decion making the underpriviledged women will end up fighting alone and longer. It is also important that women learn technology, communicate, network. Thats how one becomes empowered. Not by just enjoying luxuries...and keeping quiet!

Fight a little battle for fellow sisters. We have a long way to go together!

Maria Sheikh works as a Lecturer in Integral University, Lucknow. She lives in Badlapur, Uttar Pradesh. Gender, Religion and Empowerment are some of her areas of interest. You will see her write more on the same in the coming days.

The Answer my friend is blowing in the wind...

How old would you feel, if you didn't know your real age? Whatever that number is, what's stopping you from feeling that way, now?

I’ve pondered over this question for about a week. What triggered me to think along these lines, is a personal situation in the family, where a very close dear one is struggling to find the meaning of life, and strength to fight, what’s potentially hanging over the horizon, a life-threatening diagnosis.

In short twelve weeks, I’ve seen the cheery, effervescent qualities in this individual slowly waning away, along with her health, being replaced by weariness, and doubt. As she prepares herself for harder times ahead, she’s struggling to understand, “why me?”

Truth is, its never about “Why Me?” It’s a question with no definite answer. We convince ourselves of the answer, eventually based on the situation we’re in. In the words of great, Bob Dylan “The answers, my friend is blowing in the wind”

More important is “What Now?” it remains the the most important question, and is often lost in gloom. The sooner you come to terms with the situation, the sooner you can start looking for solutions, to answer “What Now?”
Most often, the answers are governed by our attitude towards life. Some people live their age, some live to age, some age to live, some are ageless, while others don’t even know the difference.

“Life by itself is a terminal disease”. We all will fade away, in our own time. Knowing that one constant, “the truth”, what we do from the moment we’re born to the moment we die, is what we’re remembered for.

I cant say, that I have done enough in my life, to make people remember me for who I really am or was. But, that’s on a larger scale. I’m at peace, with who I am, and what I want from my life, on a much smaller, personal level.

I’m 38 years old. That number 38 though finite, has infinite meanings. To a toddler, it has no meaning, to a teenager it’s “old”, to my subordinated its “age of wisdom”, to my peers its "just life", to my elders it’s “youth”...and yet, we struggle everyday to understand this basic fact, age is nothing but a number.

Then why fight it, why worry about it? Often, people rely on the age old cliché-

 “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. At any given instance, we always have at the minimum, two choices. What you do with the lemons is your call.

Life gives us lemons, because it doesn’t really know any better. Would it be better, if it gave us apples? May be then we can take solace in another cliché, “An apple a day, keeps doctors away”, but you’ll still get old, may stay healthy but will definitely, die.

Truth is, you cant drink lemonade for the rest of your life....no matter how long or short it is.
Think about the following, the answers may set you free;
1. Why are you, you?
2. If not now, then, when?
3. What is the difference between “being alive” and “truly living”?

Life is not about clichés. Life is about living every moment of it, whichever way you choose it to be. How you look at it, will define how it is going to be. I don’t know if I have the answers yet, but I think I’m on the right path.

Sameer Chandra is from 1989-90 ICSE batch of SDA Vidhan Sabha Branch. He works as Branch Manager at ATC Associates Inc. Sameer lives with his wife Nidhi and daughter Ria in San Antonio, Texas.

Must watch Films this month

This month SQ team has taken help from a young filmmaker to choose the films we can all watch. So here we go but do give us your feedback after you have watched these films.

John Cassavettes- Love streams

2) Yasujiro Ozo- Early Summer

3) Shohei Imamura-Intentions of Murder

4) Jim Jarmusch- Strangers Than Paradise

5) Miranda July- Me and You and Everyone we know

Don't miss this guy

Don't miss this genius. He is Jon Gomm.