MORE
THAN I CAN EXPRESS
How time flies!
My Anubha is now a young lady. It is time for her to leave home and embark on a grand journey. She is all set to leave Nagpur to pursue her future education. Today St. Xavier’s first list will be announced. I am experiencing mixed and weird feelings of anxiety, curiosity, happiness, anticipation and depression. I have been experiencing a fear of loneliness. There is hitherto unknown worry about her security. With such a turmoil in my mind and heart I am waiting for 4pm. That is when the result will be out online.
My Anubha is now a young lady. It is time for her to leave home and embark on a grand journey. She is all set to leave Nagpur to pursue her future education. Today St. Xavier’s first list will be announced. I am experiencing mixed and weird feelings of anxiety, curiosity, happiness, anticipation and depression. I have been experiencing a fear of loneliness. There is hitherto unknown worry about her security. With such a turmoil in my mind and heart I am waiting for 4pm. That is when the result will be out online.
So many
years have come and gone. Today I feel reflective. Both of us coordinated so well. We
shared all our thoughts irrespective of whether the other will appreciate it or
not. Speaking strictly for me I always felt she would definitely understand me. This bond was devoid of
the fear of punishment. It was if anything gentle
and tender respect.
Will I be able to live without her??? Why am I even entertaining this thought when I know that this separation is unavoidable? when I know it is required for her future? for her successful career?
We have brought up our girls to be fiercely independant. This is our chosen path. The seperation is inevitable.
Now who will navigate Alok and me during our emotional hours? Once our children grow up they pamper us so much, ensure that all our requirements are fulfilled. Should I say she spoiled me and now time wants me to survive without a vital part of my life? Will the nature heal the pain of the hour? I cannot imagine my life without my baby Anubha(though she corrects me sometimes when I call her my baby infront of her friends).
From the darling child to the culinary expert. I will miss all the tasty dishes made by her. We are blessed to have a daughter who is a born cook. There is magic in her hands. Alok calls her goddess Annapoorna. What can I say about her?My child is next to perfect. She is life personified. With her around life is full of beauty,laughter, smiles, enthusiasm, intelligence, love, care, emotions, spunk and honesty. She is my angel in disguise.
Will I be able to live without her??? Why am I even entertaining this thought when I know that this separation is unavoidable? when I know it is required for her future? for her successful career?
We have brought up our girls to be fiercely independant. This is our chosen path. The seperation is inevitable.
Now who will navigate Alok and me during our emotional hours? Once our children grow up they pamper us so much, ensure that all our requirements are fulfilled. Should I say she spoiled me and now time wants me to survive without a vital part of my life? Will the nature heal the pain of the hour? I cannot imagine my life without my baby Anubha(though she corrects me sometimes when I call her my baby infront of her friends).
From the darling child to the culinary expert. I will miss all the tasty dishes made by her. We are blessed to have a daughter who is a born cook. There is magic in her hands. Alok calls her goddess Annapoorna. What can I say about her?My child is next to perfect. She is life personified. With her around life is full of beauty,laughter, smiles, enthusiasm, intelligence, love, care, emotions, spunk and honesty. She is my angel in disguise.
I woke up from my sleep at mid night
and had all the memories and prophecies bumping into each other. All those
nights when I used to remain awake. All those nights when I would sleep next to her. There were so many fearful nights when my eyes would stay wide open to ensure that she was fine. Nights of prayers that her temperature should come down. And then there were nights when I would see her sleep in peace and wonder what her dreams were made of.
My little baby had cried so much on her first day to school (those few hours of seperation were killing for both of us on those first few days) but now she is
gearing up for separation for three years.
And I can't help but remember how she used to wait for me to
reach home and play with her, finish my household chores and spend time with
her. Will she be able to get a friend like me in a strange city? Will she be able to unfold
her thoughts or will they pass on unsaid? My baby's favourite gift had always been a tight
hug and few pampering lines. She gave me all the reasons to get through the next
day, to cook, to decorate the house, to shop and stay alive. During my hard
days she would wrap her little arms around me and say everything would be
alright.
I thank God for sending her
to my life. At this moment when she must be going through her own whirlwind of emotions she is giving me the strength to marvel at life. My baby just know wherever you go my love and blessings will always be with you.
Go fly! But when the day is done... and the work can wait...do come back home! We'll be waiting!
Go fly! But when the day is done... and the work can wait...do come back home! We'll be waiting!
No comments:
Post a Comment